I took some time over the long weekend to think about what I want this to look like, what I want my online presence to be, but unfortunately, I also had to use some of the holiday to work on my fucking thesis. Because I have a pretty demanding job and I'm in grad school, I have to parcel out my energy for other things. Right now, website resign and online branding is ranking lower than other things. Like, for example, actually writing and reading.

What I'm reading right now:
1. Girl in a Band by Kim Gordon. Damn, it's weird. I saw Sonic Youth live just once, when I was turning twenty-six and already felt, ridiculously, too old for things. I was living in Spokane and the venue seemed too small for this band that seemed so iconic, and Kim Gordon had a pink sparkly guitar strap and I was so close to the stage and Cross the Breeze went on and on. Reading this book is making me think a lot about what it means to be a female artist, especially one with a partner and a child. It's thoughtful and interesting and sometimes so random. 
2. Love in a Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. I have to keep stopping. The same thing happened when I read 100 Years of Solitude. My brain gets full, like eating too much rich chocolate.
3. Best Lesbian Erotica 2015 by Laura Antoniou. I'll be reviewing, probably in October.

Things I'm writing:
I'm working on a new novel called Winning, about a woman who gets invited to her ex's wedding and decides to remake her life in order to win the break up. I'm about a third of the way done. Not bad considering I started it in August, though the idea's been rattling around in my head for awhile.

I'M SENDING MY NOVEL OFF TO A PUBLISHER, WHO WILL REVIEW IT AND MAYBE WANT IT. OR NOT. BUT IN ANY CASE I WON'T KNOW UNTIL PROBABLY NOVEMBER. NOVEMBER, MY FRIENDS. QUITE POSSIBLY LONGER THAN THAT.

I'VE BEEN WORKING ON THIS BOOK FOR A YEAR. I'VE BEEN PLUGGING AWAY AT IT AND NOW I'M SENDING IT OFF TO SOME VERY BUSY HUMAN WHO PROBABLY WON'T HAVE TIME TO LOOK AT IT FOR MONTHS, AND WHO MIGHT HATE THE SYNOPSIS AND NOT EVEN READ PAST THAT. IT'S VERY UNCOMFORTABLE.


I wrote this in all caps, which is obnoxious but I was so stressed out I didn't notice caps lock was on until just now. Such is my current brain.

The lesson I think I learned is that you should write your synopsis first, then pour your heart into a book, because writing the synopsis afterward--while you're also trying to put together everything else to convince someone that your book is worth reading--is awful. So bad that you'll write two paragraphs in all caps.

I love lesbian fiction. I mean, that's obvious; I review lesbian books! It's important to me that lesbian fiction, especially romance, exists. I need to see happy stories about women who love women, along with less happy stories, and stories about other people entirely. I just finished writing a novel about two queer women who fall in love, and I'm about to submit to publishers.

But I'm worried it's not lesbian enough.

Why? Because one of the main characters identifies as a lesbian, but the other identifies as queer though she's dated women exclusively. But mostly because there's a threesome in this book that includes a person who's nonbinary. It's a scene I really like and I'm really proud of. I wouldn't be willing to take it out or to change the character's gender. So I wonder if I should submit to a lesbian publisher--one that's produced books I like and that I respect--or go a different route. Is this story lesbian enough for a lesbian publisher?

I'm a queer femme, and while I feel that "lesbian" sometimes fits me, it also sometimes does not (though that's a topic for another day). I think a love story between two queer women belongs with lesbian books, even if not every experience those characters have fits so neatly into to the "f4f" category. I guess there's no harm in submitting it, but I think I better research queer publishers as well as lesbian ones. And maybe I should look into self-publishing too, though that seems daunting for the first novel I put into the world. I'm trying to be prepared for rejection even as I hope for the best.

I finished the fourth draft of my novel last week and shared it with some fantastic people. I'm really happy with it. Realistically I'll need to do one more draft (maybe two) before I submit it to a publisher. I need to write the synopsis, my bio, etc. But the end is in sight. 

I'm working on a short story that I need to finish this week and submit, and I have a review to write. I'd like to get one more short story done after that in the next couple of weeks. Then I'm going to start working on my next novel. It's based on a draft I wrote in high school and a synopsis I wrote about ten years ago. I cleaned out old writing last week and found some that I'd like to use as the base of this next book. I'm excited to see where it goes.